scare n afraid

i am realli afraid now.... totally afraid.... n scare too.... i told myself not too but i cant.... i have this fear.... i am breaking down..... nearly cry out.... i am afraid to get hurt... in a relationship i always get hurt.... i dun fall in love easily.... once i fall in love i will fall deeply.... the person will be my pillar of support.... n i cannot afford to lose that person.... i hate myself.... i really hate myself.... i am a bad girlfriend.... a totally bad one and failure.... i noe tt i am not gd enough for him.... i rely a lot on him.... in a relationship i will become weaker as i dependent on him..... i realli dun noe how now.... i am useless..... for being such a bad person..... i realise i am a failure..... totally a failure....