HAPPY BIRTHDAE TO MI

todae is my birthdae..... i wish mi happi birthdae..... thanks to chalton to be the first one to wish mi happi birthdae.... this is a secret between us... haha... i am so touched n happi..... n he keep on wishing mi.... thanks to him... brighten mi up.... then kat is the first one to sms mi.... then on friendster got anthony marie dee crystal..... the rest shall update....

everything ended

everything ended peacefully.... tt is all i can sae.... thx u guys for ur concern.... i am ok... will be recovering soon.....

i juz realise tt my tears seems to be like running tap... it wont stop flowing.... last nite i cry until i fall asleep then woke up in the nite n cry again..... keep on crying the whole nite.... this morning woke up tears started to flow again.... last nite vomit out again..... this morning also.... stomach not feeling well.... i noe the ans already.... i will respect the decision.... like i sae in the first place... i hate myself.... realli hate..... emotions cant stop.... juz have tears keep on coming down.....

哭

哭的定义是什么？
哭了又如何？就可以改变些什么吗？
哭了以后可以让某个人为你而变吗?
哭了以后可以让坏事变好事吗？
哭了以后可以让痛变得不痛吗？
哭了就能让一切变得不一样了吗?
为什么要哭呢？
哭也不过是如此而已。。
哭也不能补救些什么，反而很累。。
不哭了。。尽可能地不哭了。。
saw this post from one of friend friend blog.... it is so true...... this is how i am feeling now... so helpless..... same as this person.... true n facts tt cannot be change.... once done cannot be change....

i dun noe wat happen to mi.... i seems to screw up things again.... i realli dun noe wat to do... feeling very bad now.... blame myself y like this.... y... my life will nvr be smooth y... maybe i shld juz admit it is my life n accept it ba..... recently alot of ppl seems not to be doing things well.... haizzzzzzzzzzz............... y like this... dun noe... feel like drinking recently.... but muz control.... hope tt things will turn well for mi ba.... todae went to my aunt hse for a while then reach home my dad treat mi dinner for my birthdae.... thx dad... but i juz cant smile..... my birthdae wish is to be wit him forever n hope tt he have a smooth sailing path ahead of him n wish tt he is happi always n he dun overwork himself n get enough rest.... hope it will be fulfil... realli hope.... last nite was talking to candy abt life.... i was like sae life is unpredictable.... u will nvr noe when is ur turn...... when ur turn come cant run away..... when it is not ur turn how u wan it u also could not get.... it is very true.... as candy sae she dun wan to work until die n no one wan it also.... then she sae things need solution but we onli see a temporally one we never realli see the permant one.... is coz we dun wan to face it.... tt y we dun wan the permant one as we noe the ans as it hurts..... i guess ba... candy sae her the other side might come out n no one will wan to see it... i sae it is fine wit mi.... she was like so shock..... been through so much so learn to see n accept it le... in life there is a lot of things u wont wan to see but it will not be bad if it is seen.... things dun look at the bad point of view... muz look from different angles.... juz do things in life tt dun make mi regret... but i realli regret to make things turn up like this.... i hate myself.... sae dun be like this n end up in the situation i dun wan.... i feel tt my life seems to get shorter n shorter when my health getting weaker n weaker...... dun noe la... dun wan to see doctor.... hate to see doctor.... tt all ba... the post seems to get longer le....

running nose got slightly better.... yest plan to work but in the end coz down wit flu.... todae plan to do tele but giddy.... i have been feeling giddy for almost 3 weeks le..... like once everydae.... i dun noe wat happen that cause my giddyness.... then stomach not feeling well either.... juz now went to ade hse to ask her for help in my drawing.... omg.... gg to faint.... muz draw 3d view.... muz hand up next week.... next week got test..... things r not gg well for mi these few daes keep falling sick... lol... another things is my mum sis is asking when can see him... n my mum keep asking y he nvr come nowadaes..... i dun noe how to ans them.... realli dun noe so i juz sae he is bz....

i am sick

i am down wit a flu again.... during the change of weather i will always have this problem.... especially during cold weather coz i have sensitive nose...... soon it will be fever n heavy flu which i dun wan.... now is exam period n gg to have my common test soon.... cannot fall sick... if not will be very bad.... i hate to fall sick during this period.... realli hate it.... shall stop here....

明明很爱他可是自己却一直伤害他..... 我不是故意的.... 不知道我为什么会这样..... 我真的很恨我自己... 好恨..... 我真的很痛很痛.... 我是真的痛了.... 我也哭了..... 我不知道应该怎么办.... 真的不知道.....

my leg realli hurt now... it is realli painful when i walk.... old injury is like this.... gg to see chinese doc tml.... a lot of things happen todae.... i screw up my work.... haiz...

i am so tiredddddddddd... todae work whole dae le.... todae i went to a wulu place tt i need to walk from one street to reach a bus stop n it is very long ard a 30 min walk so i took a cab instead.... the funny thing is the cab driver drop mi at the destination tt i went... the moment i step out onto the grass i fell down into the hole... hai... my dear is so bz... haizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..... i dun like the feeling now i realli hate it.... i hate myself now coz i am letting my emotions to run over.... my mind seems to go wild tt y i choose to work n not let myself anyhow think.... then my aunts todae call to find my mum n my mum happen not in so they chat a bit wit mi instead n they ask abt my dear... seems tt they r interested to see him... then one of my aunts noe i teach tuition so she sae since i teaching tuition treat her go drink coffee then i sae ok sure... next time i go i treat u... she very cute she told mi buy wat coffee for her le... then fews daes ago my mum ask y nvr heard mi sae meeting him n y he nvr come our hse... she thought wat happen to us so i told her my dear is very bz wit his stuff... she was like oh...





then my darling fiona is too stress up by her stuff until she feel down... i miss her lots... realli lots...



tml is one of my family members who pass away 3 yrs.... actually i realli dun noe how we r related.... i guess is by grandparents related ba.... time realli pass fast... another 7 more mths will be my grandfather...




now i am feeling so confused n lost n helpless... i dun wan to anyhow think le... if not my mind will be full of nonsence again... tt y i realli hate myself now.... so i choose to occupy my mind wit lots of stuff to do... shall stop here... i need to continue to do my stuff....

i am sad coz things happen n i cant cope wit it.... then sun went to meet my dear after his work... actually he meet his friends n he juz meet wit them for a while then cab down to find mi.... he is understanding... he noe i am not right n he nvr throw his temper at mi instead he understands mi... i am realli touched.... then juz now he purposely wake up to listen to my stuff... i noe he is tired n need to rest.... thx for wat he sae.... i will be fine soon... i need time... i noe he feel heartpain n helpless.... i noe... so i muz recover soon... realli soon.... cannot let him worry too much...

todae was out wit shirley to beach then went to bought donut factory home.... not bad but very sweet... then yest meet candy to eat the mudpie from mac... n it was too sweet for both of us... we cant take it.... then yest went to work caught two time in a row for not wearing tag... haiz... yest was not my dae at work... yest totally suck.... i feel better after eating the mudpie but after tt miid totally change.... haiz... ltr gg out wit my mum gg to slp le...

went to meet my dear wit candy todae after his work... he was so tired n he has sore eyes... he nvr tell mi... if i noe i wont meet him... i would wan him to rest.... he arh... this whole week he is working... haiz... cannot meet him le... coz wan him to rest dun wan him to overwork....




todae stay back n help out in lab report but didnt actually help out much... coz a lot of things dun noe.... haiz.... but ok was quite fun....

wat is true friend

WHAT IS TRUE FRIEND....

A TRUE FRIEND IS SOMEONE WHO LISTEN TO U N AT THE SAME TIME GIVE U THE RITE ADVISE.... NO TRUE FRIEND CAN TAHAN A PERSON WHO IGNORE ADVISE N KEEP ON WITH THE NONSENCE..... A TRUE FRIEND IS NOT A PERSON WHO WILL TAHAN ALL THE RUBBISH COZ HE OR SHE ALSO HAVE LIMIT.....




IF U DUN LISTEN TO UR FRIENDS FOR THE RITE ADVISE N KEEP ON WIT RUBBISH.... THE FRIEND WILL EVENTUALLY LEAVE U.... DONT EVER LET EMOTION RULE OVER U.... N ESPECAILLY FOR RELATIONSHIP COZ FRIENDS R THERE TO HELP.... IF A RELATIONSHIP HAS NO POINT OF SAVING OR CANT BE SAVED NO POINT HANDING ON..... IF U CONTINUE UR TRUE FRIEND WILL LEAVE U EVENTUALLY....

bad mood

everyone seems to be in a bad mood todae.... mi is one.... then candy is also one.... have a chat wit her.... dun noe la... dun wan to think le... tired.... last nite have a very gd chat wit him... realli gd.... talk a lot....

now in sch doing e learning... but nth to do n bored so do blogging here ba... these week is pretty bz for mi... slp a lot.... mon went home after teaching tuition n slp straight till tues morning.... then tues nite went to meet my dear... we went to eat n he slack at my hse.... then wed went home after tuition coz too tired after playing sports wit my class... didnt went office on wed.... then yest skip the first lesson.... after tt went home after tuition to rest also.... then todae gg to office ltr n after tt gg home to rest... maybe dun meet candy for dinner ba... see how lol... as i am feeling tired.... over exercising make my muscles pain until now.... then tml gg to meet my dear again.... so happi....

these r the photo for irene birthdae celebration...... actually got a lot of photo but i dun noe y they onli send mi these.... haha....

grp photo

cutting the cake....

birthdae boy n gal.....

juz reach home not long ago.... todae went for swimming in the morning wit candy n liyan... then we went for lunch before we headed home.... then when i went home n bath.... i went out to k box at jurong east to celebrate irene n lionel birthdae..... then got mi irene her daughter henry sunny meifang n her husband n lionel.... then after dear off work he went to fetch mi home.... HE IS SO SWEET...... I LOVE HIM LOTS.... N SO MANY DAES NVR SEEN HIM LE... AT LAST SAW HIM LE.... REALLI MISS HIM A LOTS... n after k box.... they went to eat dinner while we headed home as we r tired... then had a lot of fun todae but i was tired la.....



yest went to do tele at angela hse... then after tt went to eat mos burger at amk hub wit candy... then saw seba at mos... after we eat then we head home.... reach home ard 11....



then fri went to shop wit candy.... she accompany mi coz i was in a bad mood n gg to break down... we went novena.... we eat n eat instead of shop.... i bought a clip n a necklace.... then also do my pedicure.... then we went to eat at aijisa n bought cookies.... we slack at mos burger n drink milk tea.... then until 8 plus we went home.... candy is rite.... these few daes we keep drinking all type of water.... don noe y also.....

scare n afraid

i am realli afraid now.... totally afraid.... n scare too.... i told myself not too but i cant.... i have this fear.... i am breaking down..... nearly cry out.... i am afraid to get hurt... in a relationship i always get hurt.... i dun fall in love easily.... once i fall in love i will fall deeply.... the person will be my pillar of support.... n i cannot afford to lose that person.... i hate myself.... i really hate myself.... i am a bad girlfriend.... a totally bad one and failure.... i noe tt i am not gd enough for him.... i rely a lot on him.... in a relationship i will become weaker as i dependent on him..... i realli dun noe how now.... i am useless..... for being such a bad person..... i realise i am a failure..... totally a failure....

i dun noe wat to sae.... things keep cropping out again.... it is all my fault this time.... coz i am emo i dun wan to sae it out n juz keep it to myself.... now let my dear think tt i dun wan him.... is not tt i dun wan him.... now make him so emo le.... i realli dun noe how le.... things keep cropping out one by one.... i cant digest in time.... he sae he wan to be alone to think... so i let him.... my greatest fear is out.... he is not the one who will get hurt.... i am also.... i really love him.... he is a very great bf but i am not a good gf.... totally a failure n bad one.. i am realli afraid.... totally afraid....